1. Focus: Make sure each paragraph focuses on an argument, and try to simplify your focus to one thing (or argument) at a time. You can do this at the very beginning of a paragraph by narrowing your topic sentences a bit. Try to suggest fewer things rather than more things as the topic of a single paragraph. Your first TS has upwards of three distinct topics.2. Proof: It’s essential that you prove each claim. What is your proof that there are budget cuts, that it has led to a lack of staff, and that it has caused people to be retrenched?3. Source integration: Discuss each example slowly. Where does it come from, what does it mean, and why does it matter? If you look at your second paragraph, you can see that a source is somewhere in there but it’s absolutely rushed through and therefore less clear.